The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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