KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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