GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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