the condom got lost in my hair
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
