Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
