She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
