what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
