I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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