How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
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I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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