found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
