i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
