I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
