if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
