my being single is dangerous.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
