I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
