Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
