You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
