Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
