i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
