I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
