it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
