she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were trust falling into bushes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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