I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
