Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
that's an acceptable place to lick
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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