We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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