I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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