i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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