Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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