saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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