I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
