You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
