HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
