I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
