Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
