its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
