Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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