So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
