I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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