Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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