I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
