It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
