She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
