i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
