I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
