I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I need help removing her.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
