Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
