I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
