will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The air was thick with penises
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize
