You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
