Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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