Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
