I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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