dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
