I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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