ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
