he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
