If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
