A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
