I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
